Well, here I am. Sitting at the airport waiting to board my flight to Tucson. Tomorrow I will be running my 8th UltraMarathon distance – The Oracle Rumble 50 mile trail race. Tomorrow also ironically marks the 5 year anniversary from the very first 50 mile race I ever did. So much has changed in the course of five years. I am a completely different person than I was when I first began this unique, challenging, winding, and often rocky (literally and figuratively) road.
After reflecting on these deeply personal changes, there is a sense of aversion that arises at the notion of sharing any of it with complete strangers. But at the same time, I am humbled by the tremendous symbolic meaning, self-discovery, self-healing, and empowerment that comes from engaging in these mental, physical, and emotional challenges. The primary and most powerful discovery I have made is that no matter how difficult, rocky, challenging, slick, steep, smooth, clear, or surprising the terrain – if I focus my energy and attention on just moving forward, one step at a time – it is shocking the distances I can cover.
It took me several years and several unfortunate circumstances to realize that this mentality directly corresponds to the journey of my life. As humans we are built to endure. And there are so many culminating experiences that make us who we are. There is a depth to many of the things I have experienced that I believe make up the components of my “ultra runner mentality” – these are experiences I wish to visit in future postings on this blog. For the sake of brevity, I will say that I have survived several tremendous blows in the course of my young life. But for as painful as the negative relationships, self-medicating, disordered relationship with food, loss of two brothers, and untimely passing of both parents has been – I have began to rebuild and I continue to ENDURE.
This blog will be a collection of experiences, both character building and heart shattering, both wonderful and devastating. What remains underneath all of it is the undying and burning desire to keep moving forward – regardless of how painful or how difficult the road ahead may appear. This is where the symbolism of ultra running is yet again strikingly apparent and synonymous with my life. DISCLAIMER: Please do not subscribe or read on if you aren’t open to raw, emotional, uncensored material. My greatest hope is that through the exploration of these experiences and sharing of uncut thoughts, feelings, sensations, and circumstances among my path to healing that my own understanding and the understanding of my readers can grow and that we can all somehow heal together. #herewego
You can look at a scar and see hurt, or you can look at a scar and see healing. -Sheri Reynolds
One thought on “The Journey Begins.”
I never thought about, as you succinctly put it, ‘finding serenity amidst chaos’ although I now reflect upon when I have been to that spot.
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